MONTHLY MESSAGE: “Trying to be Perfect vs. Perfection”

I’ve been pondering on the differences between the spiritual concept of “Perfection” and our human response of “trying to be perfect.” And what I realize is that we often confuse the one for the other. In our seeking to be more spiritual and attaining a state of perfection, we get caught up in bonds of trying to be perfect.

The trying-to-be-perfect bonds include thoughts like “if I get it right, it will be perfect” (meaning, “I’ll be perfect”). But, of course, we never get it right, because when we are thinking in those terms, we’re in the duality of right and wrong. So, what we’re really saying is “if I get it right, then I won’t be wrong.”

Our motivations for trying to be perfect include wanting approval – “if I do it perfect, my [parents, teachers, friends, etc.] will [like, love] me more.” Sometimes, as a result of abuse, we try to do everything perfectly to avoid punishment and not get hurt; but the abuser will always find something wrong, so we never get it right, no matter how hard we try. We still get hurt physically, or emotionally, or both.

By the time we get to be adults, we’ve so completely internalized the pressure of this struggle that we are constantly under the self-imposed stress to be perfect. We think it’s other people’s expectations, but it’s really the expectations we place on ourselves. After spending so many years trying to be perfect and living up to the images and expectations of friends, family, and authorities in our lives, with layer upon encrusted layer of beliefs, thoughts, and feelings from our culture, education, and religion, we’ve lost the ability to just be ourselves. In fact, we often don’t even know who we are any longer. We’ve forgotten the feeling of joy, spontaneity, playfulness, vulnerability, and ease.

And we’re wound up so tight that we start looking for ways to relax and follow an unnamed urge to discover ourselves. We make an intention to lead a more spiritual life – and find Reiki, meditation, yoga, and other spiritual practices outside of the paradigm we were raised in.

We are introduced to concept of spiritual perfection, and we think we’re on the right track if we get every Reiki hand position right, or every yoga asana right, or follow a certain diet, or meditate everyday. Initially, we think we aren’t getting it right (and sometimes leave the practice we’ve chosen as a result) because we haven’t attained perfection in a week. But what’s really happening is that we think we haven’t got it right and this practice is the wrong one.

Yet the key word in all spiritual traditions is “practice.” And the supposed perfection we think we haven’t attained is there in every moment if we only have eyes to see it.

Perfection is the understanding that whatever is happening in any moment is perfect for that moment. What is this experience telling me about myself and my impatience and lack of compassion for my own being? What are my emotions informing me about my own need for healing? What’s the lesson in this for me that will refine and polish myself so I can more radiantly stand in my diamond soul?

“It is perfect that the sky is gray and the air is cold. It is perfect that I feel alone. It is perfect that I am experiencing such joy of spirit that I am overwhelmed with emotion and cry. It is perfect that my mother had nervous breakdowns. It is perfect that I endured pain and loss of self as a result. It is perfect that the careers I chose were a source of frustration, and led me to realize that I needed to make a change in my life. It is perfect that I am feeling vulnerable and tired. It is perfect that spirit moves through me in ways that words can’t even begin to describe.”

Perfection is all of who we are, have been, and will be. Perfection is what is. Perfection is timeless eternity. Perfection is all things and nothing. Perfection is paradox. Perfection is where duality resides – and where only unity is. Perfection is the mystery that we won’t know until we completely surrender our self to Self.

Blessings,
Margaret Ann